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Sentimental yet sardonic [userpic]

Terror Nova part four (Buffyverse/NCIS)

September 11th, 2010 (11:48 am)

Okay, fight scene time. This tends to be where I lose control of my tenses a lot, so any nit-picking of those will be gratefully appreciated.

Part four

After working with Ziva for so long, Tony DiNozzo knew better than to underestimate any women fighters. But the sheer speed of Buffy and Faith took him by surprise.

They... flowed, for want of a better phrase to use. Ducking under Gibbs’s outstretched arm, almost casually knocking his gun to one side, Buffy dropped to the floor and performed a swing kick that promptly took Gibbs’s legs out from under him.

Faith, in turn, dived forward and rolled, popping up directly in front of Ziva. Impressively, from a standing start Ziva had already got her gun out and Faith’s eyes widened in appreciation. “Nice moves, chica,” she said, but still punched Ziva in the jaw, sending her staggering backwards.

Drawing a bead on the fast moving Buffy was tough, but Tony managed to track her motions towards him. “Stop, or I will sho...” he managed to get out before a roundhouse kick from her particularly pointy boots intercepted his chest. The impact sent him sprawling back into Ducky’s equipment.

He shook his head dazedly. From the corner of his eye, he observed Ducky smartly pulling Palmer back around the corner, and Gibbs scrambling to his feet again. Probie had dropped his precious PDA instantly (and god, Tony just knew they were never going to hear the last of that when they were back at NCIS. Still, he felt oddly proud of McGee for it), but still hadn’t managed to clear his holster.

Ziva had managed to shake off the first punch, though she’d lost her gun. Stepping forward, she launched a vicious uppercut towards Faith’s head. Again, the brunette seemed to appreciate it, even as she dodged it with a supple twist of her upper torso. And when Ziva followed it up with a spinning kick, Faith whistled and smirked happily.

“Man, that’s some serious training you got yourself going, lady,” she said cheerfully, eyes still studying Ziva, “Almost hate to do this...”

Somehow, from a standing start, she leapt into the air, her leg suddenly flicking out and directly into Ziva’s jaw. Ziva dropped to the floor like a rocket.

“Play later,” Buffy said, absently rolling forward and picking up someone’s long discarded clipboard, “Though got to say, those were some pretty decent moves.” Almost off-handedly, she span round and threw the clipboard hard at McGee’s wrist, causing his gun to go flying off in yet another corner of the room.

Gibbs, naturally, had managed to hold onto his gun. “Hold it!” he yelled, levelling it at the two women from his position kneeling on the ground. “Nobody move!”

“You missed one, B,” Faith observed in an amused tone, turning to face him.

“Grumps? Eh, didn’t want to break him for you.”

Faith rolled her eyes. “Oh, you shouldn’t have,” she said sarcastically. “Now, can we go? Clock’s ticking, and Zero’s still out there.”

“Lead on,” Buffy said simply. Her foot shot out and kicked Ziva’s dropped gun directly (and fast!) at Gibbs’s head. Automatically, he ducked down but when he refocused all he could see of Buffy and Faith was the blonde vanishing around a corner of the piled crates.

“Ducky!” Gibbs growled, rapidly climbing to his feet, “Look after Ziva. McGee, DiNozzo, with me!” McGee scooped up his gun on the run, and followed Gibbs closely. Tony brought up the rear quickly, still shaking his head trying to clear it.

The narrow passageway between the crates twisted a couple of times, sending the investigators one way then another. Then suddenly, they ran into a dead end.

“Crap!” swore Gibbs, as the route was blocked by fallen crates, “They must have pulled down the sides deliberately.”

“Um, boss,” McGee began carefully, “Given how heavy some of these crates are...” He shut up quickly as Gibbs glared at him.

Gibbs grabbed his phone, and dialled. “This is Agent Gibbs, NCIS, authorisation alpha-four-eight-four. Lockdown the base immediately, no-one in, no-one out.”

Stabbing his finger down viciously on the End Call button, he snarled at the others. “Find them!”

~ + ~


Posted by: tiger (tigerlily0484)
Posted at: September 11th, 2010 11:20 am (UTC)

Tenses look fine to me, though I'm pretty horrible at nitpicking that sort of stuff. Maybe I'm a little too close to this one to be reading with any kind of objectivity anyway.

Still loving it to bits, and can't wait to see what happens once Gibbs figures out Buffy and Faith have vanished. And the rest. :)

Posted by: Sentimental yet sardonic (booster17)
Posted at: September 11th, 2010 01:57 pm (UTC)
Everybody Batdance

I tend to start off in present tense for some reason, visualising the action, and then drop down into past tense as I settle down into the rhythm of writing. Trick is remembering to go back and edit.

Glad you're still enjoying.

Posted by: Helenka (helenkacan)
Posted at: September 11th, 2010 12:36 pm (UTC)
Rainbow eye

Tenses look fine to me, too; however, I "span" is not the past tense of "spin". Shouldn't it be "spun"??? After all, span is its own word with an entirely different meaning.

Posted by: Sentimental yet sardonic (booster17)
Posted at: September 11th, 2010 01:52 pm (UTC)
Head-desky [lurker32]

Gah! What's really annoying is that I changed a bit in an earlier part today about "Ziva span the wheel".

*head-desk x2*

Posted by: bastardsnow (bastardsnow)
Posted at: September 11th, 2010 07:31 pm (UTC)

Agreed. I don't see any tense issues. Other than the previously mentioned 'span' issue, I do have one question regarding this: "Impressively, from a standing start Ziva had already got her gun out..."

Why would Ziva standing cause her difficulties pulling out her gun? Or am I reading that wrong?

Other than that, really enjoying where the story is going.

Posted by: Sentimental yet sardonic (booster17)
Posted at: September 11th, 2010 08:54 pm (UTC)

Hmmm... would "from a cold start" work better? I meant to imply that Ziva, safely back, hadn't drawn her weapon yet until Buffy and Faith moved, but still managed it quite fast.

Posted by: mymatedave (mymatedave)
Posted at: September 11th, 2010 10:38 pm (UTC)

Liking this, unfortunately my grammar is for crap as you may have noticed in the past. Keep up the great work.

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