So, for your entertainment...
Emo Philips : "I picked up a hitch-hiker. You gotta when you hit them."
Gary Delaney : " As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog."
Jack Whitehall : "I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought' - I actually stole it off a short, fat kid."
David Gibson : "I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone."
And the winner Tim Vine : "I've just been on one of those once-in-a-lifetime holidays. I tell you what, never again."