Summary: Rose really should have known better.
Setting: Somewhere in season 2. You pick.
Disclaimer: They all belong to the BBC.
It was the Holy of Holies.
The most sacred, most profound place on the entire planet, and that planet was the very centre of the whole Church of the Third Advent. Which was worshipped and followed by nearly everyone in this sector of space.
The Doctor fully appreciated just how lucky they were to be here. To actually be here, in this spot, while they celebrated the Festival of Bel’Shazer in the very cathedral that spawned the Church was simply incredible. Several of his past bodies hadn’t even been able to get an invite to the planet itself.
Oh, this was brilliant!
Beside him, Rose looked bored.
The Doctor frowned at her, and motioned for her to straighten up. Must show the proper reverence and appreciation to their hosts after all. Ooo! The Sceptre of Thornius itself! Oh, this was the most fascinating ceremony he’d seen in years, and they were only two hours in.
Rose sighed, and studied her nails intently.
A thought struck her, and she leant forward to whisper in the Doctor’s ear. He glared at her, and put his finger to his lips. Honestly, wasn’t she listening when he explained the solemnity of the occasion?
She pouted and leant forward again. Obviously not.
He glared harder.
Rose pulled a face, and sat back against the pew with her arms crossed and a face like thunder. The attitude was very much promising an interesting discussion later. Hopefully one on the origins and derivations of the ceremony, but somehow he doubted that.
Still, only another 4 hours till they’d be able to talk freely.
Oh my! The Archvalkyrie was performing the Rite of Cleaning. This was perhaps the most important part of the ceremony, and strongly implied the future of the Church of the Third Advent for the next five years. Fascinated, he clawed in his pockets for his glasses and peered closely at the dais.
Not for the first time, he blessed the accident that had gotten them this close to everything. All around them, an expectant air filled the cathedral.
”A ring ding ding ding d-ding baa aramba baa baa barooumba” peeled out loudly from beside him.
His very first reaction was shock.
And then he realised what it was, and worse – where it was coming from.
Right beside him.
She hadn’t switched it off.
And he’d made it more sonic for her as a surprise.
Well, this was a surprise certainly. And not just for him. Everyone else in the cathedral had to have heard that.
As Rose frantically dug into her pocket, one last detail swam out of the back of his mind: The entire ceremony was being televised around the planet.
Oh god. This just couldn’t get worse, could it?
"Wh-Wha-Whats going on-on?”
It was the damn Crazy Frog ring tone.
Okay, things could get worse.
“Kill the infidels!!!”
Much worse. Time for plan A.
As the opening notes of ‘Axel F’ drifted out, the Doctor jumped to his feet, grabbed Rose’s hand and ran like hell.
"Hi mum! No, no... just the normal running for our lives thing."
Now, where exactly did they leave the Tardis?