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Sentimental yet sardonic [userpic]

Chuck Austen mini-rant

February 29th, 2004 (10:36 am)

Okay, so I actually gave Chuck Austen a chance on Avengers. Why not I thought. After all there's Coipel on art and I quite like his work.

Big mistake.

Especially as the last issue isn't even drawn by Coipel, but Sean Chen in a very bad Coipel impression attempt. So I'm bailing - I've been around bad comic runs long enough to try to avoid bad teams like the plague.

And then news comes through that there's gonna be a new writer on the book by issue 500 - only six issues away now. So now I'm twitching, going do I hang on and see who the new team is? Do I really want to have a hole in my run? And can I really subject myself to another 5 or 6 issues of Chuck Austen's crap? Please help.

And for those fanfic writers out there, who haven't heard of Chuck Austen, I deeply envy you. This is a man who 'hack' is too good a term to describe. Just about everyone posting at TtH is a better writer and plotter. In short, if Chuck Austen can make a career out of writing, there is hope for us all.

For example, here's the The X-Axis's wonderfully readable Paul O'Brien on Chuck's classic Holy War storyline :

"Holy War": The Church of Humanity is retconned into a heretical sect led by a victim of Catholic rape, who plans to install Nightcrawler as the Pope and then cause a crisis of Catholic faith using evil disintegrator communion wafers. This will make people believe that the Rapture has occurred, and turn their backs on Catholicism. Point one, as many Catholics e-mailed me to point out, the Rapture isn't even part of Catholic theology. Point two, any plot involving evil disintegrator communion wafers is too stupid to live.

"The Draco": Ineptly plotted garbage in which Nightcrawler learns that his father Azazel is the inspiration for Satan, and Azazel attempts to escape his prison through a really elaborate plan involving fathering children around the world. (Rather than, say, going through the portal to Earth and staying there.)

Try to imagine, if you can, a conversation between Chuck Austen and his editor which starts with him pitching any one of those stories and ends with them being commissioned. "Evil disintegrator communion wafers, you say? Fantastic!" Imagine, further, a conversation where Marvel are so impressed by the evil disintegrator communion wafers that they decide to give it a 25c promotional price tag and a huge push to tie in with the X-Men 2 movie.

Imagine a terrifying window into a dark world of anti-talent.


And it's all so true.

Comments

Posted by: Marcus L. Rowland (ffutures)
Posted at: February 29th, 2004 03:12 am (UTC)

evil disintegrator communion wafers

Boggle...

Okay, there has got to be some sort of BtVS story in there. Maybe someone tries to get the Slayer to use them against vampires?

Posted by: Spectacularly Adequate Empress (empressvesica)
Posted at: March 1st, 2004 08:44 am (UTC)
Dark  [faithsolace.com]

In short, if Chuck Austen can make a career out of writing, there is hope for us all.

I have not the slightest clue to whom you are refering but hey - I'll take that as encouragement. *off to write something - anything* ~EV

Posted by: Megan (meganbmoore)
Posted at: March 1st, 2004 11:43 am (UTC)

You forgot his greatest crime of all: if you believe rumors, Claremont was actually told that he couldn't use Jubilee(myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy pppppprrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeccccccccccciiiiiiiiiioooooooooooouuuuuuuuuussssssssssssssss) because Austen was going to use her. What's he done with her? Ok, she was a plot device for Holy War(the after effects of which wore off 5 minutes later) wallpaper for the wedding...#427 DOES NOT EXIST!!!!!...back to wallpaper...wallpaper...wallpaper...

I'd say DIE AUSTEN!!! DIE DIE DIE!!!! but...

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