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Sentimental yet sardonic [userpic]

Educating Veronica

April 2nd, 2006 (07:23 pm)
artistic

current mood: artistic
current song: Steps - Tragedy

The wonderful world of Veronica Mars has a new addict in the form of tthjinni. Currently working her way through season 1 (and squeeing heavily at certain points), yesterday on April 1st she made the mistake of theorising. Naturally, we lied through our teeth about what actually happens at the end of season 1.

Much as I like jo_anne_storm's version (Actually, the killer is Lilly. Yep, that's right, she offed herself. Bashed her head in with an ashtray and then threw it into the pool before collapsing. Veronica was raped by Shelly Pomeroy, who is actually a transvestite. Sheriff Lamb and Veronica end up in a madly passionate relationship after he solves the murder. I think it's just pity sex at first, but it is hot.), I came up with Vice Principal Clemmons and Veronica get together after a drunken late night fishing expedition.

You know what's coming, don't you?

Yes. I wrote it.



It was cold, it was clammy and for some reason it was in the same bed as me.

"What the hell happened last night?" I mutter, blurredly opening one eye. I had a hangover, but I’d be damned if I needed leet detective skills to realise that much. Rolling over slightly, I look for the source of the snoring.

Vice Principal Clemmons.

Naked.

Holy crap.

Okay, okay…. Detective instincts. Think. Step one…. step one…. Am I naked? Yup.

Crap. Again.

How naked? Very naked. Triple crap. And had I….? Ohhh yeah. Certainly, the last time I felt that sore but that good was… okay. So not going there.

Step two – inspect his evidence.

Anytime now.

Just reach out and lift up the sheet.

Anytime now.

Count of three… one, two, three. Now! Anytime now. Four?

I stretch out one wavering hand, and reach for the sheet. “Veronica?!?” he says, suddenly moving, and opening his eyes.

I jump. Yes, me. Hard-bitten detective girl, scourge of Neptune High, able to frighten off a biker with a single glance (and delicate use of a taser). There might also have been a high pitched squeal.

“Veronica Mars!?!” he repeats, sounding slightly more worried than before.

There’s a brief moment where he grabs for the sheet to cover himself up more, and I grab for the sheet to ensure my coverage. And the sheet goes back and forth, until by the same laws of physics I’m meant to be revising tonight (last night?) we end up next to each other again.

And again, it’s cold and clammy against my skin. So, without taking my eyes off Van Clemmons, I reach down and pull the fish out. And just like that, everything floods back.

Van Clemmons calling me into his office. The bartering. The bantering. The blank hall pass (valid for 4 uses). The problem with the lodge at his brother’s fishing lake. Travelling there. Falling in the lake after Harrison stole our car. Van Clemmons pulling me out.

Breaking into the lodge. Drinking the whisky to warm ourselves up. Huddling together to stay warm. More drinking. More huddling. The mad midnight idea to go fishing. Actually catching fish. Celebrating. More banter.

That kiss.


Oh crap.

And from his face, I can tell it’s all coming back to him too.

“Well,” I say, blinking myself back to reality as fast as I can, “I certainly wasn’t expecting that, Mr Vice Principal. Or is that Principal in charge of Vice?”

He gave me his standard semi-glare. Must be the hangover, or he’d remember that never works on me. “Most amusing, Miss Mars…” he starts before I cut him off.

“Uh-uh. I think that after last night, you can call me Veronica at the very least,” and I try my glare out on him. That works.

“Look, Vice-ie, last night was… interesting and I’m not going to be reporting you or anything like that. I was certainly aware enough of I was doing, and I made most of the moves after all.”

“Veronica,” he says, sounding tired and not like the Vice-Principal I know so well. “It doesn’t matter – I should not have done that, and particularly not to a student in my care.”

I press my hand to my forehead, forgetting my sheet is now no longer held up. I eep a little and then remember a bit more about last night. “Eh. Not like you hadn’t seen them before. Hey, without a lot of what we did last night, we’d have frozen. The rest was a bonus.”

A small, satisfied smirk can’t help crossing my face, as a lot more comes back to me. “Oh yeah, a very nice bonus.”

He sighs and drops his side of the sheet as well. His torso looks pretty damn tasty in the morning sunlight. Is that a bite ma…I did that? Wow. Van Clemmons gets as far as “Veron…” before I cut him off by kissing him.

He’s as good a kisser as I remember. And as I slide my hand under the sheet, that’s not all I remember correctly too. “And no,” I whisper as I pull back slightly, “You’re not getting a say in this.”

It’s true what they say. Get a man by the balls and you can lead him.

This time I’m in my right mind.

This time I know exactly what I’m doing.

This time I’m going to remember.

Comments

Posted by: Drake (d_tepes)
Posted at: April 2nd, 2006 11:52 am (UTC)
Sinking 'Ships

...

That...

...

I...

...

You just broke my brain...

(that's meant as a compliment)

Posted by: Sentimental yet sardonic (booster17)
Posted at: April 2nd, 2006 12:05 pm (UTC)
Stick poke smilie

Dude, I've done The Master/The Mayor and the Jenny Calender Memorial Gang-Bang before this. This is only mildly disturbing by comparision.

(and thanks!)

Posted by: Drake (d_tepes)
Posted at: April 2nd, 2006 12:12 pm (UTC)
Naked Icon

I think what killed my brain is trying to figure out just what the fish was doing there... 'Cause the options my brain provided?

Oh looky, my brain asplode again. ;)

Posted by: Sentimental yet sardonic (booster17)
Posted at: April 2nd, 2006 12:23 pm (UTC)
Bjork and Diddy

Good job I didn't say it was an eel.

*ducks to avoid new brain splatterage*

Posted by: Drake (d_tepes)
Posted at: April 2nd, 2006 12:38 pm (UTC)
I Can See You - RT S416

...

Not an electric eel though... right?

'Cause that brings to mind...

splitsplatasplode

D'oh, lost another one.

Posted by: Sentimental yet sardonic (booster17)
Posted at: April 3rd, 2006 04:42 pm (UTC)
Gone Fishing (VM)

*idly wonders if this icon will cause another splode*

Posted by: Drake (d_tepes)
Posted at: April 3rd, 2006 05:35 pm (UTC)

*twitch*

*tick*

*deep breath*

Bought a different brand of brain, this one seems sturdier than the others.

It's just, one could be really evil with the fish there, and jokes about... the smell of fish... and...

*twitch*

Though I think I do want to see a sequel for this. Any chance it could involve live chickens and some peach preserves?

Oh, and the taser! Sequel needs the taser in it... I will not try and sway you whether or not to use the taser erotically, but with those two I imagine *ASPLODE*
*SPLAT*


...

I shouldn't imagine.

Posted by: Sentimental yet sardonic (booster17)
Posted at: April 3rd, 2006 06:02 pm (UTC)
You really shouldn't challenge me like that....
Gone Fishing (VM)

“No, Miss Mars,” Van Clemmons replied firmly, “Once was a mistake, and I am certainly not repeating it. No, I will not sleep with you again.”

I sighed. Looked like I was gonna have to work for this one. I gave Wallace the signal for Operation Distraction, and plastered my best begging expression on my face. “Pleaseeeeeee?”

Okay, not my best effort, but I was hoping Wallace had come up with something. Anything.

And then four live chickens squawked and rushed past us, disappearing off into the far reaches of the car park. Wallace Fennell, I salute you.

Van Clemmons was staring after them with his jaw wide open. I kinda felt bad about hitting him with the taser at that point, but hey… shouldn’t have turned a girl down.

He sagged a bit, and collapsed into my arms. Not as romantically as I’d dreamed, but take what you can get as Dad always says. Tucking him nicely into the rear of my car, I covered him up with a blanket, and jumped into the front.

Five minute drive to the motel room already rented, two minutes to get him inside, two minutes to get him naked and handcuffed to the bed…. That would leave me about another minute to get the peach preserves slathered all over his chest before he wakes up.

It’s so much fun when he plays hard to get.

Posted by: Episkopos Rev. Alixtii O'Krul V, TRL (alixtii)
Posted at: April 2nd, 2006 12:02 pm (UTC)

I so do not want to find that hot.

But I do anyway. Eee!

Posted by: Sentimental yet sardonic (booster17)
Posted at: April 2nd, 2006 12:21 pm (UTC)
Serenity - River with sword

It was kinda worrying how easy it was to write, yes. Thanks!

Posted by: Lea (lea_hazel)
Posted at: April 2nd, 2006 12:02 pm (UTC)

Ew.

But in a good way.

Posted by: Sentimental yet sardonic (booster17)
Posted at: April 2nd, 2006 12:17 pm (UTC)
Booster Stylish [wildecate]

Hee! Thanks!

Posted by: Jo-Anne Storm (jo_anne_storm)
Posted at: April 2nd, 2006 12:08 pm (UTC)
VM

Can't breath. Laughing too hard. Oh God! Funniest thing EVER!!!

Posted by: Sentimental yet sardonic (booster17)
Posted at: April 2nd, 2006 12:18 pm (UTC)
Awesome! Weasleys [samiamicons]

Waking them up in Vegas was also an option. :D Glad you liked it.

Posted by: Jen (tthjinni)
Posted at: April 2nd, 2006 12:37 pm (UTC)

Funny, yes. But now I have the need to scrub my brain clean of it.

Posted by: Sentimental yet sardonic (booster17)
Posted at: April 3rd, 2006 04:40 pm (UTC)
Gone Fishing (VM)

camperx even made me an icon for it!

Posted by: Marcus L. Rowland (ffutures)
Posted at: April 2nd, 2006 01:24 pm (UTC)

Gaaaaaaahhhhh!

Posted by: Sentimental yet sardonic (booster17)
Posted at: April 3rd, 2006 04:41 pm (UTC)
Gone Fishing (VM)

So.... not up for a sequel then?

Posted by: Brendan (brendanm720)
Posted at: April 2nd, 2006 02:07 pm (UTC)
VM - Veronica - Snicker

I think that the icon says it all.

Very nice.

[shakes head]

Posted by: Sentimental yet sardonic (booster17)
Posted at: April 3rd, 2006 04:40 pm (UTC)
Gone Fishing (VM)

And this icon says?

Posted by: Brendan (brendanm720)
Posted at: April 3rd, 2006 05:20 pm (UTC)
Quiet Man - None o' That

It says "Gone Fishing".

Duh.

[takes another look]

It might also say "The Principal of Vice goes trolling for high school chicks".

Or possibly "How Veronica Landed herself a bluegill."

Posted by: gianna24 (gianna24)
Posted at: April 2nd, 2006 08:55 pm (UTC)

That was bizarely hot. Good job Clemmons.

Posted by: Sentimental yet sardonic (booster17)
Posted at: April 3rd, 2006 04:43 pm (UTC)
Gone Fishing (VM)

Thank you - half the fun is certainly watching people's reactions to this. *evil grin*

Posted by: skipp_of_ark (skipp_of_ark)
Posted at: April 2nd, 2006 11:27 pm (UTC)

I don't even watch this show, save for the Charisma-Carpenter-in-a-bikini cameos, and I'm washing 'sploded brains out of the carpet. Gah!

Posted by: Sentimental yet sardonic (booster17)
Posted at: April 3rd, 2006 04:41 pm (UTC)
Gone Fishing (VM)

Mmmmmm... Charisma-Carpenter-in-a-bikini...

Posted by: Spectacularly Adequate Empress (empressvesica)
Posted at: April 5th, 2006 07:07 am (UTC)
Vm Ewwww

*twitches* I think I need a shower now. Ewww.

But well written Ewww.

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